Cannon.

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I have been begged to by my friend. Okay, so I went to Tunisia on holiday. On about the third or fourth day, I saw this guy, he was so hot. He was with his little brother and their parents. I caught there names as they kept on shouting eachother, the older one was called Cannon, and the younger one was called Scott. On that day I was on the sun lounger by the pool, every time I looked over at him in the pool, he was looking at me. It was like a look that I dunno, I haven't really seen before, obviously I was looking at him a lot. I just don't think he released seen as I had sunglasses on that reflected to look like a mirror. He only stayed around that pool until lunchtime, when he left, it felt weird, I missed him, but I didn't even know him. The next day was the same, the eyes and he left again, after lunch, it happened again for the third day, but after lunch he came back. I was with the lifeguard because he had been talking to me all week. I went and sat down again on the sun lounger, my parents and sister had gone back to the room because they were too hot, but I stayed out. He sat next to the pool, by my sun lounger. He looked at me and smiled, so I smiled back. He said hello, and we just started talking from there. I didn't want my parents or sister to see, so we went to the other pool, we were just talking and swimming around. But the next day, I had to leave at 7 in the morning, he got up early to say goodbye to me, he gave me his number. He was there for another few days, so I missed him for a while. Now we are happy, yeah that's it really, there you go Smart Small.

Its been a month soon. I hadn't seen him in a couple of days, and last night he rang me and said he misses me, for the first time ever, he told me he loves me, to be honest, I had no idea what to say, it was a bit awkward. But we're okay, he's here now, he doesn't know about me blog, thank god haha.

I hate how everyone I know copies things that other people do, then they deny it.

I'm fucking scared, my mum is having an argument with my sister. You have no idea how scary my mum is when she's angry... I'm actually petrified.

I'm working at the open golf, there's this security guard, the first time I saw him, he looked familiar, then I realised, he was security at Wimbledon. I asked him if he was there and he said yes, I told him that I remember seeing him. We were just talking, he told me to go and say hi tomorrow, because he's there all week. So I did, I went back today, he said he was 18, but he looked about 25. He went and got me a bracelet, and put it on for me. Whenever I go back to the autograph bit, he always stares at me, it's quite creepy. He's called Nigel, his college told me to give him my number because I'd pulled. I just ran away laughing, I went back after and Nigel told me his college is a creep and he told Nigel to "Go for the younger ones, like he does." his college was an absolute creep. Nigel asked me for my number later on... I just walked away laughing because I thought it was a joke. Later on he asked me for my bbm pin, but I don't have a blackberry, so it was a bit awkward.

Nigel stole my ticket from around my neck, so I said as a joke "Don't do that, the creepy guy will come and eat you!" I didn't realise the creepy guy was stood next to me. Nigel was repeating that I was a "bad girl, a very bad bad bad bad bad bad girl," and he was giving me a creepy pedo smile. I just got my friend to come and say I had to leave.

Later on, he gave me a VIP bracelet; so that I could go and see some interviews. He took the pen out of my hand and drew some boobs on my hand, so my friend made it into a face and wrote Nigel next to it, so Nigel put a heart next to it. I went to do my cool litter picking job and I came back to get some autographs, he shouted me over because he was bored. I said hello, he said hello, he asked me how I was, so I said I was good, I asked him how he was and he said he's bad, he said that he's "a very bad boy and that he needs to be punished," I just ran away like crying with laughter, I mean wtf?! Is that creepy, or is it just me? Then he asked me if I wanted a twix and I was just like no. Is that really creepy or is it just me?

Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers and move on. You dont have to forget who that person was to you but you just have to accept that they arent the same person anymore

Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers and move on. You dont have to forget who that person was to you but you just have to accept that they arent the same person anymore

Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers and move on. You dont have to forget who that person was to you but you just have to accept that they arent the same person anymore

There are two possibilities: either you changed or I didn't know the real you until now.

Now a days you find out who your true friends are. People are so fake but I guess thats why you trust none. People change? Naw people move on so dont expect your so call best friend to be there for you.

The good thing about pictures is that they never change, even if the people in them do.

We never lose friends. We just discover who our real friends are.

Statement is not true seen as I've lost all of mine.

Um, hi. Remember me? Oh, it's still me, you know. I haven't changed. I'm still the same girl. You know, the girl who you tore to pieces. You know, the one you broke just like glass. I was the only one that you told you would never dream of hurting. Remember me? It's still me. I haven't changed. But you have.

I want to be able to hold your hand when I am hurting instead of having to hold someone else's because you are the one hurting me.

It's when I'm standing six feet away from you and not being able to find the words to tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you that I want to just scream to the whole room that I'm still in love with you. It's when I'm sitting alone with the phone in my hand dialing your number and hanging up that I would trade a thousand tomorrows for just one yesterday. Then I could just call you to tell you goodnight. It's when I am really sad about something and need someone to talk to that I realise you're the only one who really knew me at all. It's when I cry myself to sleep at night and it hits me how much I would give to hold you at that very moment. It's when I think about you that I realise no one else in the world is meant for me.

 I generally dislike people, they're judgemental and only act upon their own selfish needs. If I could change humanity the one thing I would change would be selfishness and greed, it makes me feel sick. I've been feeling sick quite a lot, it's whenever I think about my life really, it just makes me feel sick. I have no friends, no boyfriend, I feel so alone, I just want someone who loves me for who I am, someone that i can talk to. Everyone tells me what a horrible person I am, I may as well just agree because I know I am, and I hate myself. I just want someone to talk to.

I fucking hate friends. They lie and cheat and use.

I had the most amazing time at Wimbledon, it was one of the best moments of my life... I went with my friend. She ruined it for me. I'm so annoyed with her for it. We woke up, got dressed, went out for breakfast and left The hotel to go to Wimbledon. She was moody from the start. When we got there, we were allowed to walk around Wimbledon for a few hours. She refused to go anywhere. I went to watch some young boys singles matches, she soon followed. I was stood watching, it was a really great game! She turned to me and said "Omg look at that house up there!" she distracted me from the game and I was like "What about it?!" she replied with its really nice... Instead of taking pictures of the matches, she decided to zoom in and take a picture of a house. Through out the day she was really horrible and moody. All throughout the day she was turning to me and saying "I want to go back to the hotel, I don't want to be here". When we got into court number one, she sat down, she never left her seat, she never clapped FOR ANYONE, she texted all of the way through the matches even though there was a reminder every set Change that said "Strictly no mobile phones". She was just rude. Then that night time I didn't talk to her much and she kept shouting at me. She went to grab my arm to make me look at her but I pulled away, she shouted at me again. The next morning we went out for breakfast. I still couldn't be arsed to talk to her. He turned to me and said "it was crap yesterday, I wish I didn't go! I only wanted to see Nadal and Federer." she's so ungrateful, she doesnt even know she's ruined it for everyone. She's so selfish.

I'll blog tomorrow, I'm really tired, just got back from Wimbledon and I have work experience in the morning.

I can't stand it anymore. I hate my mum. I just heard her drop her ipad, she's trying to blame my dad, I wasn't there but I know it was her. I just heard her say and I quote "I hate my life. I fucking hate this family. I'm so fucking miserable. I hate you all." I can't stand her. On Monday, she got so annoyed with me (I have no idea why) she grabbed my hair and my head and dragged me from the kitchen to the front door, pushed me out, threw my bag out, and locked the door. Eh thought that was the right decision. I can head her right now, she's blaming me for HER dropping her ipad. I've been upstairs all of this time. I want her to stop saying this. This is all she ever says. How she hates her life. If she hates it that much then maybe she should just leave. I'm so happy i'm going away for three days, I can't handle this anymore. She can give it, but she can't take it. Maybe she should just leave if her life is so shit.

I'm sick of my parents. I'm never good enough for them, I'll always be the number 2 child. I'll never be as clever or as good as my sister. I'll never have the good qualities that she has. My parents will never accept me. They know nothing about me, yet they act like they do in front of anyone they know. My mum is so selfish and lazy, all she does is talk about herself, and buy things for herself. She was on her ipad and she asked me to get her a yoghurt and a drink, so I did, I held them out for like five minutes, yet she continued to use her ipad, still ignoring me and the fact that I got them for her. I put them down next to her and she didn't even acknowledge that they were there, or that I'd put them there. I just walked away. Later on I was stood in the kitchen, my dad walked into me, he didn't say anything, and then like ten minutes later my mum shoved into me and didn't say anything either. I feel like I only get noticed if I shout, even then I only get sent to my bedroom like a five year old, it's not like I want attention, I just want them to acknowledge that I'm there. I know most teenagers say as soon as they can, they're moving out of their parents home, I one of the majority of people who say that, but I mean it. For good.

I'm going to Africa in summer guys, but don't worry, I'm only gone for a week! I'll probably still blog, I don't know what I'd do without it anymore!

I will always care about you. I will always think you're beautiful. I will always be by your side.

I am actually so proud of myself... I don't even care if this is going to make you cringe, but I used a tampon today! Yes, an actual tampon. I am actually really happy because I go swimming every morning and every night, so it gets annoying at that time of the month. But now it's great, I can't even feel it, and it means i don't have to sit in my own blood all day. This means i don't have to stop swimming monthly. I am so proud that i actually did it, when you think about it, it sounds horrible, but it's great, I wish I did it from the start!

I need to sleep, but I don't want to. I'm too enraged. If this is what friends do, then I don't think I want any, any longer. Anyone who reads this blog is probably sick to death of hearing all of my problems, but being anonymous on a blog that no one knows about just makes me feel better.

I hate what they've done to you, I hate what they're making you do, I hate what they're making you feel.

I'm just sick of everything, my friend feels like crap, all of our others friends are just being... grrhhhh. They don't even listen. I'm just annoyed, upset and hurt that my friends could make my friend and I feel that way.

It's really hard to handle all of my exams with all of this stress, but luckily, today was my last exam. No more exams... *sigh of relief*

I hate how my friends make me feel sometimes.... Well most of the time. We had this whole argument, where basically they spread shit about me. They all ganged up on me and had a go at me, but then to my face were asking if I was okay. It just makes me feel awful, then they blame the whole situation on me. I feel like I have absolutely no friends. It's like they don't even care, it's like they don't even think.

My parents were having an argument and I decided to listen in. My dad has epilepsy, the doctor said that he will stop midway through a sentence, he said its part of the problem. My mum was shouting at my dad saying she can't even have a conversation with him because of it. Then she started saying how if she didn't talk about about herself and her work all the time, then they would never have a conversation, because they have no common ground and because they don't have anything to say. I left the house at that point, because if I didn't, then I would have punched my mum in the face.

I honestly think my parents are going to split up. On Saturday I was at my best friend's birthday party (or at least I think she's my best friend?), I slept over. When I got home my sister told me that my parents had been arguing all night. She told me that my mum was shouting at my dad for always going away, going away to be with his dad and to look after his dad. Like I said before, my mum doesn't care about anyone but herself, so how would she know how hurtful that would be? They are sleeping in separate rooms and my dad has moved all of his stuff out, they think I don't know, but I'm not stupid. My mum keeps on having arguments with my dad, like right this minute. She's stayed in her bedroom for 4 days, with only coming out for food. Like I said, she's selfish. They're going to split up, I know it.

Yeah, so basically, I'll start from the beginning.... My parents keep on going away on weekends to see my grandparents, my grandad has parkinsons disease and is really ill. All my mum can do is, talk, think and do things for herself, and herself only. It's my dads, dad that's ill, they keep on having to travel for hours to visit him, but they won't let me go. I can understand why, under the circumstances, I don't think I'd want to; however horrible that sounds. My mum had a discussion with me, she told me that he's dying, and that theres nothing that we can do. You can tell my dad is really upset, my mum on the other hand, could not care less.

Introduction

Okay I've only just started, so I don't really know where to start. This is just my blog to express my feelings, most of the time I feel depressed and down, so enjoy it, because I'm sure your life couldn't be as bad as this. Hi, my name is anonymous, this is my bog about my life, really.